David has just returned from spending two weeks in Asia with his JROTC group. He brought me gifts from each country, Vietnam, Cambodia, and Thailand. When it comes to giving gifts, he definitely takes after his dad where he is both generous and thoughtful. Among the many beautiful gifts he presented me, one I felt deeply in love with is this heart-shaped moonstone necklace.

I looked up the meaning of moonstone, the first thing came up was:

The meaning of moonstone is in its energy—a nourishing, sensual, deeply feminine energy that knows how to heal and bring you back to wholeness. It is the stone of the mother moon, deep healing waters, and sacred feminine energies. With its high energy rays of purple, gold, and blue colors, the mysterious moonstone is always enveloped in shimmering white energy; this makes it a protective stone.

The Spruce

How perfect is that? God willing, I will live to see this wonderful young man graduate from high school, college, and maybe someday time with my grandchildren.

For those of you who have been following my cancer journey know that I was dead set against chemo based on my radiation experience. Looking back, although radiation took me down to a point I almost died, it did help me recover from my back pain and improved the quality of my life. More importantly, the last 10 months gave me the time I needed to restore my energy especially with the alternative treatments so many have generously supported me with financially.

Despite all my efforts, cancer has advanced. There is a saying in Chinese medicine, 以毒攻毒 meaning use poison to attack (cure) poison. Sometimes, we need to bring the most powerful weapon to face the most forbidden foe in life. It’s time to call in the almighty power of chemo for the next stage of my alchemy of transformation… “al-chemo”.

From my shocking diagnosis to my past year’s journey, life has shown me love and grace beyond measure. I didn’t (still don’t) feel like this cancer is my cancer. I didn’t smoke, lived a healthy lifestyle, I didn’t do anything to cause this, but this is no doubt mine to deal with. This part of cancer is mine to eradicate because I have the strength and support of the world to end it.

In our Taoist practices, we say that our body is a microcosm of the macrocosm. Through this body, through this lifetime is our way to transform the world. I dedicate my “alchemo” process to eradicate not only the disease in my body but to eradicate all diseases and all sufferings of the world. If it’s in my gene and in my family line, it’s going to end here one way or another. Through my healing, may the world be healed of all insidious diseases.

If I live through this, may I be the living proof that there is life after devastation and suffering and I will dedicate the rest of my life to the healing and transformation of the world.

If I don’t live through this, then may my body encapsulate all diseases and suffering upon my death. My body will first be transformed by fire into ashes. I then want a portion of my ashes to be buried and transformed by the earth at the White Cloud Mountain of my birth place in Guangzhou; a portion of it spread at the Continental Divide in Colorado transformed by the wind; a portion of it scatter at the beaches of Wilmington, NC transformed by water, returned to the ocean of life for the benefit of all beings; and the last portion kept my closest families and friends transformed by love.

Either way, however it turns out, I know I have done my part with my earthly life. I am ready to face my destiny!

Tomorrow I will get my PET scan results. Good news? Bad news? Honestly it will not affect how I live and how I feel about life anymore.

The Chinese characters for crisis keep coming to me recently. The word has two characters in it. The character on the left means “danger”, the character on the right means “opportunity”.

What if the worst things that ever happened to me were the greatest opportunities I have ever been given???

This healing crisis has taught me so much about life, love, and just being human. It has expanded my life in ways I could not have imagined. I could not have been more grateful for the journey I have been led on (ok, forced into, lol!!!). If we had a choice, no one in their sane mind would choose this journey, yet, it is precisely healing crisis like this (or any other kind of crisis) that taught me there is a deeper truth to life than the ups and downs of circumstances we face. Life has a way of connecting us to our highest truth and deepest strength. I am given this opportunity precisely because I have the strength, the maturity, and the resources to heal.

What I saw as dark mountains to climb before are now bridges under a sunny sky. There is a reason I live in the city of bridges!!! Pittsburgh has the most bridges of any cities in the world! I am in the right place at the right time as my journey unfolds before me.