Archives for April 2020

I think this cat just used up another cat life! I am out of my fasting as of last night. I know many people are praying for me. Prayers answered!

The shift I was waiting for came only 7 days after the fasting! I thought it would take a lot longer or maybe never. I was willing to do it for up to 21 days, but my body made the shift!

The shift I was looking for was return of circulation and desire for food. It has been an absolutely amazing 7-day experience! (Not recommended, lol!) When the circulation returned yesterday, I felt like thousands of volts of electricity shot through my system, every part of my body was tingling not in a comfortable way. I felt like I had ants all over me! A minor sweat broke through at the same time. At first I didn’t know what was happening to me. All I could do was trying to get out of the discomfort. When it was over, I realized what had happened. I had not experience this myself before, but I have known lots of tai chi people did. When they open a blockage inside, usually during a workshop after we worked particular hard at something, they would tell stories of tingling sensations most often in their hands, sometimes in other parts of their body. It happens only when they break through a blockage. If there are no blockages to begin with, energy circulates and flows like a river, no bursting through any circuits needed, just a warm glow that’s comfortable. I have always been completely healthy and super flexible, that’s probably why I never felt it before, but this time it broke through with a vengeance!

After it was over, I felt hunger for the first time since I started this fasting. I have to move out of the fasting slowly of course otherwise I might create other problems for myself. I had David made me really thin rice soup and had half of a cup to start with. At first, I felt this pressure in my stomach, I thought I was going to throw up again! Thank God, it stayed down! I slept so well last night. I will keep increasing my food intake slowly.

A couple of other amazing things happened to me as a bonus. All of a sudden, my sense of smell sharpened! Don’t know what that is about. My sense of smell has never been that good, but now everything smells so strong, good and bad. It’s incredible!

The other unexpected bonus is my skin cleared up! My complexion brighten considerably almost overnight… or over 7 days I haven’t been really looking at myself in the mirror. As part of the fasting, I have been doing coffee enema everyday. I know as the body “consumes” the stored fat and tumors, it would be very toxic to my system. My liver would be overloaded. Coffee enema is used to cleanse the liver. I used it during my chemo as part of my routine. With my system completely emptied out after 3 days, I learned how important coffee enema really is. Every morning, I would wake up with a minor ache in my liver. It would immediately disappear after I finish coffee enema.

It will take me a few days to get back to a regular diet and regain my strength. I just want to make a post and thank you all of your support! I went into this extended water fasting not knowing if I would come out of it. Just goes to show you it’s not the end until it ends! There were so many times on this cancer journey I was overwhelmed by fear and frustration, but taking it one moment at a time, life shows the way. As my friend and mentor Alex used to say trading (in this case life) is like driving in the dark, all we see is what the headlight reveals. We can only make decision in the moment as it presents itself. All I need to do is keep going. Thank you for all your love! 💞

Today is one of our local instructor Sam’s 70th birthday. This would be my birthday gift to her. Thank you for being a friend and all that you have done for our tai chi group! May you have a wonderful decade ahead!

I thought I have been making some small progress on my gene inhibitor drug, Tarceva, but the last couple of weeks feel like I have hit a wall. All of a sudden, little things start to go wrong, like one day last week I woke up with a very intense hip pain, I could hardly walk. My inside pain are gradually getting stronger, both lungs, liver, and spleen/pancreas. At night, I use medical marijuana to control the pain and it also helps me sleep. That worked to a certain extend, but this week almost everyday the pain is so intense when I woke up in the mornings I could do nothing but cry! Luckily tears somehow washes away some of the pain then I am able to manage the pain. For the past week or so, I have been extremely cold. I set the house temperature at 72 and then wear a thick fur vest, still couldn’t get warm. It’s almost like I am a living corpse! In Chines medicine, that’s a circulation problem and life force is leaving the body.

I desperately needed a reset. It came to me on Wednesday afternoon this week that I could try a water fasting. Animals in the wild get sick, they don’t call a vet, they take themselves to a water source and fast. Sometimes they get better, other times not. That’s how nature takes care of itself. If I don’t do something, I will die soon anyway, but I happen to be home alone this week. I wasn’t sure if I should attempt something like this. David went to work with his dad in OH for a change of pace. Then almost as soon as I finished eating my dinner on Wednesday night, I threw it all up! Well, what timing! My body is actually actively rejecting food. Yesterday I went on water fasting, didn’t feel hunger at all. I had some vegetable broth, I thought I would drink some at dinner time just to add some nutrients. Again, my body threw it all up right away! It even tried to throw up 3 more times at night with nothing but bile.

I thought about calling my doctor, but they will likely put me in the hospital for observation. There is nothing they could do anyway. With all that is going on, I would rather stay home.

I talked to a dear friend who has done extended water fasting for 28 days, she said she drank water then had chicken bone broth at night. She is so sweet, she made me chicken bone broth and brought it to me this morning. So far I have been taking it very slow with the chicken bone broth, only drink a little bit at a time especially since I haven’t had any meat in almost 2 months.

Even with all the challenges, I am actually feeling a little better. Last night, circulation returned and I am much more comfortable, still feel the chill from time to time, but nothing like the intensity I felt all week. Even the pain subsided without medical marijuana. I know I am on the right track. It doesn’t mean all is well of course. In my condition, anything could go wrong anytime and I may not come out of this thing. I am thinking 21 days because that’s the cell cycle while I was doing chemo, but that’s the maximum I would do. What I am looking for is a reset, a real shift without forcing anything. When my body is ready to tell me it wants food, I will give it.

Even my cats sense something is wrong. Oreo is the sensitive one, he is my guardian angel. He comes up to me every chance he has and offer to let me pet him because he knows I like that and it would make me feel better. He rarely leave my room any more. Prince Snowball (yes, this crazy cat lady actually has a cat prince! lol!) started to sleep on my bed almost everyday. I would pet him until he settles down, often with my hand on his belly and we settle into a cat nap together. No pun intended!

Of course I feel quite weak especially the last few days. I spend most my time resting. I probably won’t post anything during this process. I will try to stay offline as much as possible. Hopefully I will emerge from my fasting in better shape or if I don’t make it, I will see you on the other side someday!

My deepest love to you all!!! You have made my journey meaningful!

With social distancing, I have been spending a lot of time with my cats and flowers in the back yard. The world might be in a frenzy, but not them, the cats are as entertaining and loving as ever. The spring flowers are brilliant in the sun, in the rain, and even in snow.

I realized they are one with life on life’s terms. Flowers don’t try to be brilliant, they simply be what they are. When the season is right, life pushes them out of the ground. They don’t have to try to grow, bloom, be beautiful, they simply are. The cats are not doing what they are doing to entertain me, they are simply enjoying being alive as cats. Because they are under my care, they bring me such joy just for being alive. All forms in this world are temporary. Some day (probably not soon) all that I see and touch will be gone, but it doesn’t erase the life they lived. We are the same way as humans, beginning and ending are not our choosing, but enjoying life is our choosing no matter what situation we are in. Life circumstances could only be there for us to experience life in this form to learn what we are here to learn, to love, to forgive, to appreciate… not because we try to do the right things to negotiate with life to get our way, but simply “be” who we are. How we serve this world is our being not our doing. Like my cats, they don’t wake up and decide what to do for their day, they simply respond to the moment as it arises. What if I live my life in the moment? If there is something needed to be done, the opportunity will present itself. I am one with life in this temporary form.