Wisdom Characters | Helena Trent

Relax (放鬆)

September 16, 2019 by Helena Trent Leave a Comment

The word we hear the most often in our tai chi practice is “relax”. People that had the opportunity to learn from our late founder, Master Moy, would say one word they heard the most often, over and over again was 放鬆 (fong-song), 放鬆 (fong-song), 放鬆 (fong-song). Yes, 放鬆 is translated as relax, but it has a little different connotation in Chinese. When we say relax in English, I think of escaping or completely letting go… like sitting on the beach with an umbrella drink or being a couch potato in front of TV. In Chinese or at least in our tai chi practice, that kind of relax is not the point. 放 means “let” or “allow” 鬆 means “loosen” or “open”. It means loosening up inner resistance, allowing internal opening to take place so energy can flow. It’s an open and alert state without tension… like a cat. I live with 3 living little masters, I should know. 🙂 They teach without words. They teach as living embodiment.

What does that have to do with my healing you might ask? Cancer has taken me to the edge of death to show me how to relax (放鬆) into life.

If it wasn’t for over a decade of tai chi practice prior to me getting sick, I would not have survived this far and certainly would not have lived this well. Tai chi practice is not about attaining perfect health or perfect peace of mind so we could have a get out of jail free card untouched by life. Quite the contrary, my practice gave me a way to experience life in peace and equanimity not because life is going my way, but because I am going life’s way.

If it helps you to understand this foreign concept and you would like to have some foreign characters to go with it as a reminder, click here.

I am safe

September 12, 2019 by Helena Trent 1 Comment

I have moved through my chemo after effect days much easier this time. Oreo didn’t even have to guard over me like he did before. I was looking forward to his company, but he wasn’t around. That cat, how does he know???!!!

I have had a lot of down time lately since chemo started. Some was forced down time, but mostly since I cleared my calendar, I had a lot of time to spend with myself. I realized one of my childhood lost message was “I am safe”. My parents are good parents. Like any good parents, they were hyper vigilant about my safety. Growing up, they constantly told me don’t do this and don’t do that… or do this and do that. What I heard was it wasn’t safe if I did the wrong thing. All my life, I strived to do everything right. Now that I have more time to be home doing nothing, I listen to how I parent David… do I convey safety or insecurity in this world? Am I telling him to do or not to do certain things out of fear because I don’t want him to make a mistake? What if there are no mistakes? What if he can’t do anything wrong? What if he is totally capable of finding his own way and learning from things we adults label as “mistakes”?

The Chinese word for safe is 安全. 安 means peace, quiet, calm 全 means whole. Peace and whole, that’s how I feel… funny thing to say for a stage 4 cancer patient going through chemo, isn’t it? That is truly how I feel, more so than ever, at any stage of my life. I know I am safe regardless of outcome. Life doesn’t have to go a certain way and I don’t have to do everything right. All I need to do is stay in this moment and breath. My lungs love being lungs. They are like jellyfish inside of me, dancing, dancing, with each breath with joy. I am safe.

Desire

June 9, 2019 by Helena Trent 1 Comment

Happy Birthday to me! Here is to a new year and a new era! 🙂

Every year I set an intention for myself. This year, more than anything in the world, I desire to be healthy and whole. Desire is such a loaded word in my world. Desire and fear are like two sides of the same coin. The desire for something means fear of not getting that thing. It’s almost safer not to have any desires so to avoid any disappointments.

Desire gives us the motivation work towards that goal, usually to posses something. Once that desired object is possessed, desire is gone because we have it so there is no need to desire it anymore. Possession could turn into obsession because we now have a new object and we are so enthusiastic and wanting to make it work to be part of our life. It fuels our life with interesting new discoveries of the object and therefore of ourselves. Possession with passion gives us the feeling of fulfillment and satisfaction. Energy rises, we are happy and satisfied. From there, it could go two ways. One, we could lose the passion, then possession becomes meaningless. We no longer have love for that object anymore, so we look for desire again elsewhere. Energy is lost or stuck inside of us unable to express itself. Or, passion turns into addiction. It becomes too much for our nerve system to handle. Energy is drained. It drives us crazy both having it and not having it! The cycle spins out of control.

The same concept applies to people, things, food, and habits. The question is can we enjoy our desire without being consumed by our desire? Can we find that balance in life? Let’s take some wisdom from the Chinese language.

The Chinese character for love (愛) is constructed from top down. The top part is a claw symbolizes catch, then a cage, then the heart, then the non-particle at the base with wide legs to give it balance. Writing the character is just as delicate as real life balancing all these different parts sitting on top of each other. Notice the cage is protected on three sides but open on one side symbolizes protection rather than control, holding each other’s heart with an open hand, not to hold it too tightly. The particle at the bottom looks like a combination of the character for sunset (夕) and the character for forever (久). Sunset in one place is sunrise for another in a timeless cycle. Putting it all together, love is timeless as we catch and hold each other’s hearts with an open hand.

I recently read this beautiful transmission from Matt Kahn in his book “Whatever Arises, Love That”. I love this passage:

In every breath you take, love is always here. Throughout any personal encounter, love is always here. No matter what comes together or whatever is pulled apart, love is always here. In your greatest moment of achievement or even in your darkest hour of uncertainty, love is always here. Whether in the aftermath of tragedy or in the presence of your highest triumph, love is always here. When life is flowing, inspired, and harmonious, and even if it’s frustrating, annoying, painful, or inconvenient, love is always here. When you feel alone or unsupported, love is always here. No matter what you understand and despite what you have yet to figure out, love is always here. Despite your thoughts, regardless of what you choose, or how you feel, love is always here. No matter what has been done to you or whatever you believe you’ve done to others, love is always here.
Matt Kahn

My cancer journey has taught me the love I seek is not external but internal. The desire for healing is not in my medical reports but in my soul. No matter what lies ahead, I know I can love myself through it. So I am healed.

May this Chinese emoji be a reminder of the love in your life whether you are in your darkest hour or moments of bliss!