Archives for June 2019

Happy Birthday to me! Here is to a new year and a new era! 🙂

Every year I set an intention for myself. This year, more than anything in the world, I desire to be healthy and whole. Desire is such a loaded word in my world. Desire and fear are like two sides of the same coin. The desire for something means fear of not getting that thing. It’s almost safer not to have any desires so to avoid any disappointments.

Desire gives us the motivation work towards that goal, usually to posses something. Once that desired object is possessed, desire is gone because we have it so there is no need to desire it anymore. Possession could turn into obsession because we now have a new object and we are so enthusiastic and wanting to make it work to be part of our life. It fuels our life with interesting new discoveries of the object and therefore of ourselves. Possession with passion gives us the feeling of fulfillment and satisfaction. Energy rises, we are happy and satisfied. From there, it could go two ways. One, we could lose the passion, then possession becomes meaningless. We no longer have love for that object anymore, so we look for desire again elsewhere. Energy is lost or stuck inside of us unable to express itself. Or, passion turns into addiction. It becomes too much for our nerve system to handle. Energy is drained. It drives us crazy both having it and not having it! The cycle spins out of control.

The same concept applies to people, things, food, and habits. The question is can we enjoy our desire without being consumed by our desire? Can we find that balance in life? Let’s take some wisdom from the Chinese language.

The Chinese character for love (愛) is constructed from top down. The top part is a claw symbolizes catch, then a cage, then the heart, then the non-particle at the base with wide legs to give it balance. Writing the character is just as delicate as real life balancing all these different parts sitting on top of each other. Notice the cage is protected on three sides but open on one side symbolizes protection rather than control, holding each other’s heart with an open hand, not to hold it too tightly. The particle at the bottom looks like a combination of the character for sunset (夕) and the character for forever (久). Sunset in one place is sunrise for another in a timeless cycle. Putting it all together, love is timeless as we catch and hold each other’s hearts with an open hand.

I recently read this beautiful transmission from Matt Kahn in his book “Whatever Arises, Love That”. I love this passage:

In every breath you take, love is always here. Throughout any personal encounter, love is always here. No matter what comes together or whatever is pulled apart, love is always here. In your greatest moment of achievement or even in your darkest hour of uncertainty, love is always here. Whether in the aftermath of tragedy or in the presence of your highest triumph, love is always here. When life is flowing, inspired, and harmonious, and even if it’s frustrating, annoying, painful, or inconvenient, love is always here. When you feel alone or unsupported, love is always here. No matter what you understand and despite what you have yet to figure out, love is always here. Despite your thoughts, regardless of what you choose, or how you feel, love is always here. No matter what has been done to you or whatever you believe you’ve done to others, love is always here.

Matt Kahn

My cancer journey has taught me the love I seek is not external but internal. The desire for healing is not in my medical reports but in my soul. No matter what lies ahead, I know I can love myself through it. So I am healed.

May this Chinese emoji be a reminder of the love in your life whether you are in your darkest hour or moments of bliss!