Now that I am so much better and being out and about talking to people, I often hear comments about my blog. I am surprised (and truthfully a little embarrassed) when people tell me how much my blog has helped them. Some of them even asked me when are you going to write your book? lol!!!
The truth is I have had my writing practice longer than I have had my tai chi practice. I just had no reason to share my writing until recently. Like tai chi, writing is now an ingrained part of my life. I didn’t write with the intend to publish anything. I started writing as a way to observe my own thought patterns. I started with a diary about a year before I found tai chi. When I started journaling, it didn’t take long for me to notice how repeated my thought patterns were. Just like some food are not so digestible to our system, some emotions are not so digestible to our mind. I ended up chewing it over and over again and still unable to swallow it.
When I started tai chi, the way we experience our physical body through movements and tuning in to observe where tensions show up resonated with me immediately. It turns out our physical body holds tension the same way our mind holds undigested emotions. As my practice deepened, I would find myself having these what I called “tai chi moments” where mental breakthroughs would come to me like those aha moments when I could get my body in alignment and perfect timing. Those previously indigestible emotions found a way to transform itself like physical tension turned into relaxation. Just like we digest food to get a healthier body, we digest emotions to become a more mature person. The two practices went hand-in-hand for me. As my body got more and more relaxed, my mind got more and more peaceful. It got to a point when I sat down to write, my mind went quiet.
I then started giving myself writing prompts. I started with a gratitude journal about 6 years ago, everyday I would write down a few things I was grateful for and I would number them to “count my blessings”. A few months ago, I went over 6,000. Many of you were in it way way before my cancer journey!
This cancer journey has had its ups and downs physically. I am in awe of what this human body can endure and still soldier on. I feel so lucky that I get to live this this body and experience the grace of the world thanks to you all. I feel so guided now more than ever in my life. I don’t know where life is taking me yet, but for the first time in my life I am proud to say I have no goals. 🙂 But I do know this, the road forward is no longer “want” but to give and to receive. I am listening to life’s guidance in every moment.