Helena Trent

In Darkness Born the Light - My Journey From Mutation To Transformation

Resurrection Weekend

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Thank you for all your well wishes and prayers! I feel soooo blessed by you all!

I had my CT & MRI scan yesterday as scheduled. Yes, the liquid they made me drink for the scans still made me sick, but I felt so much stronger this time. I made it through my day yesterday without being knocked down. 🙂

I won’t get my scan results until I meet with my oncologist on Monday morning. We will see what life has to say. Regardless how it turns out, I am feeling fabulous and humbled by this journey at the same time.

Exactly six months ago today, I spent the week in the hospital due to radiation poisoning. I was crashing so badly that I was on oxygen 24/7. They started talking to me about hospice care. I didn’t know if I was make it out of that hospital alive.

I was trying so so hard to breath, pulling in air, pushing my lungs. I could feel myself drowning and suffocating. All my life, I tried and tried so hard to do the right thing all the time. I decided I wasn’t going to die like that. I would let go and let life. So I stopped trying to breath… the moment I stopped trying and completely let go, life was breathing me… air in and air out, my lungs were expanding and contracting on their own. Shallow as they might be, but I wasn’t struggling anymore. For the first time in my life, I felt the ease (peace) and true relaxation I have always tried so hard to get to. Life was and is given for every breath at every moment, not because we tried, but because we are. Once I stopped trying to push my lungs and relaxed, my body miraculously came around, a couple of days later I was well enough to be discharged from the hospital and got better everyday since.

It has been a miraculous healing journey for me with the help of everyone since I got out of the hospital. With Easter around the corner, I feel like I am having a “resurrection weekend” of my own. Life is so resilient and the spring is renewing my energy. I feel so blessed by your love! Happy Easter everyone!

On Writing

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Now that I am so much better and being out and about talking to people, I often hear comments about my blog. I am surprised (and truthfully a little embarrassed) when people tell me how much my blog has helped them. Some of them even asked me when are you going to write your book? lol!!!

The truth is I have had my writing practice longer than I have had my tai chi practice. I just had no reason to share my writing until recently. Like tai chi, writing is now an ingrained part of my life. I didn’t write with the intend to publish anything. I started writing as a way to observe my own thought patterns. I started with a diary about a year before I found tai chi. When I started journaling, it didn’t take long for me to notice how repeated my thought patterns were. Just like some food are not so digestible to our system, some emotions are not so digestible to our mind. I ended up chewing it over and over again and still unable to swallow it.

When I started tai chi, the way we experience our physical body through movements and tuning in to observe where tensions show up resonated with me immediately. It turns out our physical body holds tension the same way our mind holds undigested emotions. As my practice deepened, I would find myself having these what I called “tai chi moments” where mental breakthroughs would come to me like those aha moments when I could get my body in alignment and perfect timing. Those previously indigestible emotions found a way to transform itself like physical tension turned into relaxation. Just like we digest food to get a healthier body, we digest emotions to become a more mature person. The two practices went hand-in-hand for me. As my body got more and more relaxed, my mind got more and more peaceful. It got to a point when I sat down to write, my mind went quiet.

I then started giving myself writing prompts. I started with a gratitude journal about 6 years ago, everyday I would write down a few things I was grateful for and I would number them to “count my blessings”. A few months ago, I went over 6,000. Many of you were in it way way before my cancer journey!

This cancer journey has had its ups and downs physically. I am in awe of what this human body can endure and still soldier on. I feel so lucky that I get to live this this body and experience the grace of the world thanks to you all. I feel so guided now more than ever in my life. I don’t know where life is taking me yet, but for the first time in my life I am proud to say I have no goals. 🙂 But I do know this, the road forward is no longer “want” but to give and to receive. I am listening to life’s guidance in every moment.

Next scan, clear scan?

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I had my 6-week follow up appointment with my oncologist this week. He is very happy with my progress and scheduled me 8 weeks out for scans & follow up appointment. I love it when doctors keep stretching out my visits. Now I only see my oncologist every 2 months, my lung doctor lets me go 4 months at a time! 🙂

April will be a big month for my next scans and doctors visits:

CT & MRI scans on 4/17
Oncologist on 4/22
Lung doctor on 4/23

Send me prayers and healing energies please. You all helped me so much on this healing journey. We are almost there! I think I have a shot at a cancer free & clear scan. Wouldn’t that be something?!

Meanwhile, I am taking very good care of myself. I spend most of my time learning about nutrition and practicing energy healing. My energy level is coming back and I am feeling good. I am very very slowly easing my way into work. This time though I am determined not to over do it! lol!