I thought I have been making some small progress on my gene inhibitor drug, Tarceva, but the last couple of weeks feel like I have hit a wall. All of a sudden, little things start to go wrong, like one day last week I woke up with a very intense hip pain, I could hardly walk. My inside pain are gradually getting stronger, both lungs, liver, and spleen/pancreas. At night, I use medical marijuana to control the pain and it also helps me sleep. That worked to a certain extend, but this week almost everyday the pain is so intense when I woke up in the mornings I could do nothing but cry! Luckily tears somehow washes away some of the pain then I am able to manage the pain. For the past week or so, I have been extremely cold. I set the house temperature at 72 and then wear a thick fur vest, still couldn’t get warm. It’s almost like I am a living corpse! In Chines medicine, that’s a circulation problem and life force is leaving the body.
I desperately needed a reset. It came to me on Wednesday afternoon this week that I could try a water fasting. Animals in the wild get sick, they don’t call a vet, they take themselves to a water source and fast. Sometimes they get better, other times not. That’s how nature takes care of itself. If I don’t do something, I will die soon anyway, but I happen to be home alone this week. I wasn’t sure if I should attempt something like this. David went to work with his dad in OH for a change of pace. Then almost as soon as I finished eating my dinner on Wednesday night, I threw it all up! Well, what timing! My body is actually actively rejecting food. Yesterday I went on water fasting, didn’t feel hunger at all. I had some vegetable broth, I thought I would drink some at dinner time just to add some nutrients. Again, my body threw it all up right away! It even tried to throw up 3 more times at night with nothing but bile.
I thought about calling my doctor, but they will likely put me in the hospital for observation. There is nothing they could do anyway. With all that is going on, I would rather stay home.
I talked to a dear friend who has done extended water fasting for 28 days, she said she drank water then had chicken bone broth at night. She is so sweet, she made me chicken bone broth and brought it to me this morning. So far I have been taking it very slow with the chicken bone broth, only drink a little bit at a time especially since I haven’t had any meat in almost 2 months.
Even with all the challenges, I am actually feeling a little better. Last night, circulation returned and I am much more comfortable, still feel the chill from time to time, but nothing like the intensity I felt all week. Even the pain subsided without medical marijuana. I know I am on the right track. It doesn’t mean all is well of course. In my condition, anything could go wrong anytime and I may not come out of this thing. I am thinking 21 days because that’s the cell cycle while I was doing chemo, but that’s the maximum I would do. What I am looking for is a reset, a real shift without forcing anything. When my body is ready to tell me it wants food, I will give it.
Even my cats sense something is wrong. Oreo is the sensitive one, he is my guardian angel. He comes up to me every chance he has and offer to let me pet him because he knows I like that and it would make me feel better. He rarely leave my room any more. Prince Snowball (yes, this crazy cat lady actually has a cat prince! lol!) started to sleep on my bed almost everyday. I would pet him until he settles down, often with my hand on his belly and we settle into a cat nap together. No pun intended!
Of course I feel quite weak especially the last few days. I spend most my time resting. I probably won’t post anything during this process. I will try to stay offline as much as possible. Hopefully I will emerge from my fasting in better shape or if I don’t make it, I will see you on the other side someday!
My deepest love to you all!!! You have made my journey meaningful!