Helena Trent

With social distancing, I have been spending a lot of time with my cats and flowers in the back yard. The world might be in a frenzy, but not them, the cats are as entertaining and loving as ever. The spring flowers are brilliant in the sun, in the rain, and even in snow.

I realized they are one with life on life’s terms. Flowers don’t try to be brilliant, they simply be what they are. When the season is right, life pushes them out of the ground. They don’t have to try to grow, bloom, be beautiful, they simply are. The cats are not doing what they are doing to entertain me, they are simply enjoying being alive as cats. Because they are under my care, they bring me such joy just for being alive. All forms in this world are temporary. Some day (probably not soon) all that I see and touch will be gone, but it doesn’t erase the life they lived. We are the same way as humans, beginning and ending are not our choosing, but enjoying life is our choosing no matter what situation we are in. Life circumstances could only be there for us to experience life in this form to learn what we are here to learn, to love, to forgive, to appreciate… not because we try to do the right things to negotiate with life to get our way, but simply “be” who we are. How we serve this world is our being not our doing. Like my cats, they don’t wake up and decide what to do for their day, they simply respond to the moment as it arises. What if I live my life in the moment? If there is something needed to be done, the opportunity will present itself. I am one with life in this temporary form.

Happy Easter to everyone! Although I don’t celebrate Easter as a holiday, I am happy to be alive for another Easter. I remember this time last year I thought I was cured, then it turned out to be worse and worse almost with every scan. This Easter I know I am in deep shit (yes, that’s the proper term. 😝) maybe this year’s scan gets better and better? huh? Hope is eternal.

All jokes aside, I am living each day as the best I can. I sleep 12-14 hours a night. Last night I slept for 17 hours straight! I thought I would never wake up. My body must have needed it. Most of my aches and pain are gone after I got up. Sleep time is the best healing time as the body repairs itself. I can at least make myself feel better if nothing else.

Hope everyone is healthy and safe at home… even if you might be a bit bored. I have figured out a way to order grocery delivery so I am really in a locked down mode except for my weekly treatments. Even my doctors limits my exposure at the cancer center. I have never seen the Cancer Center to be so empty!

I have only been on the new pill for 2 weeks, already feeling better. Before I started on the pill, I started coughing (non coronavirus related of course because I had no fever.) It has not completely stopped, but gotten much better. I started having some minor pain in my liver and lungs, but they are pretty much gone most of the time. I am back to doing some tai chi everyday. It’s like having a second miracle happening again just like the first time. I think last time it took me about a month to completely stop coughing. Anyway, my doctor said he probably won’t order a CT scan for 4 months just to let all the coronavirus stuff pass. He thinks April will be the worst month for coronavirus. It’s not like I am willing to consider another treatment anyway. This is it.

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Now that I have better energy, I can play dress up with my bald head! I have tried different scarfs and hats. I even bought a wig, but haven’t wore it out yet. I love being bald after having long hair all my life. It makes me giddy every morning when I look into the mirror. I think I will keep my head shaved from now on even after my hair grows back.