When I first got my CT Scan results which was the first time I was alerted to the fact that I might have cancer, I couldn’t bring myself to tell my 14-year-old son. He has just started high school about a month ago. Things are going so well for him. On his own initiative, he took a summer geometry course at a local community college this past summer so he could take AP math in his senior year. He did well, already got his first A before school started. He enrolled himself in JROTC for their training. He is in the marching band, going to every football game on Friday nights. On top of all the school activities, he works part-time at Kumon one night a week and goes to his kung fu classes 3-4 times a week. He has a full life! I couldn’t bear the thought of crushing his young adult life with bad news! How do you tell your son you have cancer out of the blue?!
I waited and contemplated, finally decided to trust life and tell him the simple facts that we know for sure. The first talk was I had been sick, coughing a lot, the doctors needed to do a biopsy to determine my illness. He understood that and was supportive of it. After the biopsy results came back positive for cancer, we waited until we have met with the oncologist with a treatment plan before telling him that I have stage 4 lung cancer and the treatment plan. He again took it well.
I told him it means a lot to me that he goes on his life as usual, school, extracurricular activities, work, etc. The more he could be self-reliant, the more I would be able to focus on my healing. I want him to live his life fully without worrying about my conditions. He agreed.
Last couple of weeks, his first “assignment” from JROTC was a fundraising project selling frozen cookie dough. He has never sold anything before, so naturally, he was trying to sell to his friends… except that every kid in school is trying to do the same thing! After some convincing, his dad talked him into going door-to-door in our old neighborhood where he knows some of the parents and a chance to catch up with old friends.
For the next 3 days, he dressed up in his JROTC uniform and went out knocking on doors! He sold a total of 43 trays of cookies for $860 plus received donation of $98! Wow! I was floored! At first he was motivated because he gets to go to Cedar Point if he sells 20 trays of cookies. But then once he had an initial night of success, he was excited to sell more because he gets a 5% commission and there is new game he wanted to buy. This is the first time in his life that he could set a financial goal and have the means to achieve it! I have never gone door-to-door in my 20+ years as a business owner, but I was impressed! I was prepared to “help” him get to the 20 trays quota so he could go on that trip with his friends, but this young man took initiative and made it happen on his own. A very-impressed-by-David neighbor even placed a call into JROTC raving how professional David was in conducting himself.
Needless to say mommy is proud! More than that, the experience has taught me sometimes what I fear the most is just my own imagination. When I was willing to look fear in the eye and tell the truth, there is no need to manipulate anything. Life takes care of itself. I just need to trust life’s process!
Helena, that’s awesome. Your son seems so mature. He looks great in his uniform too. He is quite the young man.
I remember hearing you answer someone on more than one occasion, maybe it was a question that you didn’t want to answer or just didn’t have time to go into details, your short answer to them was, “life.” I thought, I like that. Im going to use that some time. “Life”. You can’t argue with life. Life is good, life is bad, life is life.
I’ll bet that feeling you got when your son made you proud helped trigger some positive energy toward your recovery. I hope you rest well tonight.
What a wonderful post. You are truly an amazing, inspiring person and I think David is well on his way to being amazing as well.
Fundraising is a useful skill. Especially, if you smile with your eyes.. Great work all around David!
I, too, am impressed by David’s maturity and initiative. It’s wonderful to hear how he has jumped right in and accomplished so much this past year.
It had to be very difficult to share the news with him. We always want to shield our loved ones, especially our children. The longer we put it off, the harder it is all around.
Someone wiser than I said, “Worry doesn’t accomplish anything for the future. It just robs the pleasure from the present.” We all need to embrace those precious moments. Thank you once again for your wise insights.
Dear Helena,
Chris Lewis and your Taoist Tai Chi family at the International Centre (near Orangeville) this past week send our healing thoughts and love to you and your family. Each fresh new morning we Chanted for you. We took a picture sending you our smiles.
Please send your email and we will send the e-card which will arrive before the mail:)
Helena, been thinking about you in California. It is so touching and encouraging to hear how you are soldiering on in spite of all that you have to endure.
A big “YEH” to David for all the things that he keeps himself engaged in as a high schooler. I, too, am proud of him as you are. Wonderful kid!
Please keep up with your small doses of tai chi as part of your regimen!
Phyllis
He sounds like a great kid, Helena. Inspiring others must run in the family!
Your story made me smile. I have often felt that I have learned more from my children than they have learned from me. They keep me moving with the times. They fret less and have more mindfulness than I have. That is a huge change in how I was raised. They certainly lift me up.
Funny thing about cancer, it does not only effect the individual, it effects the entire family. You will all grow and learn together through this experience. Focus on those things that will preserve your strength and positivity. None of us can fight the negative things in our world….. it will persist. But we can rise above and thrive on the beauty of the universe and the loved ones in our life. I love you. I’m heading to do some cooking!!!!