As expected, the new spots on my liver are cancerous. I could have told him that 4 weeks ago, what else could it be at this point?!
Anyway, the waiting time gave me a chance to try out all these alternative treatments you all so generously helped me get. Although the results are not showing on the scan report yet, I think some great things are happening in my body, I could feel the difference, life coursing through my veins in every cell… maybe not all cells are on board just yet, lol, but they are turning around slowly but surely.
Meanwhile, when I told my oncologist all the alternative things I am doing, he dismissed them all as he was trained to do. I totally understand. In the last four weeks while I was determined to pursue alternatives that affirms my life energy, he is more determined to give me chemo treatments. The next step in the process is a liver biopsy which would determine if I have a different type of caner in my liver than in my lungs which is reasonable and I have agreed to do. When I asked for steps beyond that, chemo and radiation would likely be next on his agenda. I told him I will not do chemo and will not do radiation. Last time it almost killed me. He said if I don’t do something, I could be in trouble real soon. I told him if I did, then I will be trouble even sooner! He didn’t like that answer at all!! LOL!
Chemo to me is a last resort method which I will agree to if there comes a time that my physical conditions have deteriorated to a point that there is nothing to lose anymore, then that’s the time for drastic measures like chemo, but until then, it’s not my first choice or second or third… I am not going to choose to destroy my body out of fear. He is allowed to be as pissed off at me as he wants.
For the first time in my life (and yes, perhaps the last time in my life), I am willing to trust how I feel and that I am truly ok despite outside circumstances. Life is on my side. When I tune into my breath, it doesn’t feel fear, it just does its thing, breath in and breath out, calm and strong… as if to say, I am here, you are ok.
