Did I say I was done listening to bad news and happy to get all my treatments started in my last post?
Well… it turns out treatment days are not so easy to endure! Can we go back to the good old days where I could just LISTEN to the bad news instead of experiencing it?? lol!!
Yesterday was a rough day. I woke up with bumpy, itchy hives all over me. I thought I was going to go crazy. I called the pharmacist to confirm it is an allergic reaction to my super duper drug. They confirmed it’s not a good reaction and one not so common, they told me to call my oncologist. I called and they were so concerned that they wanted me to stop taking the drug right away until they get a chance to see me in the afternoon when I go in for my first radiation treatment and calcium IV treatment. I reluctantly agreed, but inwardly I was crushed. I knew this drug is my best chance for survival. For non-smoking lung cancer patients, this drug works twice as effective as chemo. Without it, I am not sure if there is any reason to even try chemo. I calmed myself down before my despair could take me to a place of no return. I went back to bed and started my sleeping meditation of just being with my body whatever it is. I might have slept some. A couple hours later, most of my hives were subsided. Some of them were still there, but not itching anymore. I called the oncologist back, they said I could go back to taking my regular dose and evaluate when I get into the office. When I got there, they confirmed it’s an allergic reaction to the drug, but might be able to treat only the hives with an antihistamine like Allegra, so that’s what we decide on. Happy to report this morning I have no hives! One crisis averted!
The calcium IV drip was not painful at the time, but what it does for those of you as ignorant as me about medical things… although bones could look healthy on the outside, but with cancer or osteoporosis, there are lots of microscopic holes inside the bones, so what the medicine does is it seals the bones from the outside, then fills the holes inside. Pretty neat, isn’t it? Except it makes my bones ache all over as the little tiny holes are being filled in!! Every inch of my body… well, only places with bones are hurting. 🙂
As if that’s not enough, you know how everyone says radiation treatments are hard, well, it’s true! hahaha! About an hour after I got home, I had the most violent projectile vomit of my life! I think I threw up what I ate last Sunday!! No worries on constipation or diarrhea because there is nothing left in my system! lol! I am still dizzy and weak this morning. I know I should eat something, but really really afraid. I have no appetite. 9 more sessions of this… I am counting down!
Thank you all for your prayers and well wishes as always! Each of you reaching out with a kind word and a prayer gives me a little bit more strength to endure the unthinkable.Â
A little bit of good news on such a dreadful post, even though this might be way too early… I have only been on Tagresso for 3 days, but yesterday morning (even with the hives) was the first morning I didn’t cough up blood since this whole thing started. I am coughing less this morning, so I take it the drug is doing its miracle work in my body moment by moment.Â
My God! …am I reading a blog or am I reading a Stephen King Novel? I don’t know how anyone can deal with such things. I’m a wimp when I get a cold. I admired you the first time I watched you do Tai Chi with such elegance and I admire you even more as you so bravely fight this awful demon. Keep up the fight my friend!
My gosh, Helena, what a roller coaster ride! I guess like any type of illness, sometimes it takes a while to get the right combination of treatments to stabilize. I hope that happens quickly for you. Like, right now!
I’m going to email you an mp3 file, if you don’t mind. It’s one of the meditations my Mindful Writers Group listens to sometimes at our meetings. It’s about 15 minutes long and, though it’s set up strictly for writing, I think it contains many elements which apply to your situation as well and may help you relax and temporarily take your mind to a more peaceful place. It’s called “Walking Through the Forest” and was written and narrated by the Mindful Writers creator, Pittsburgh author Madhu Wangu.
I Hope it helps in some small way.
Larry
thank you very much!
Dearest Helena,
In your sadness, I thought I would share my joy with you today. Today, my son Ben is celebrating the 6th anniversary of his sobriety. After a 20 year struggle with alcoholism, while on death’s door he finally agreed to get the help he needed to become sober. I tell you this because I want you to know that I have seen how the human body can resurrect itself from death and destruction. The Creator of life has given us the mechanism to regenerate and survive. Life is a miracle.
As you have posted in your writing, you are blessed. You have a community of supporters who are praying for your recovery. You have a team of capable medical professionals who are fighting for you. You have friends and family who love you to pieces. But most importantly, God has given you the strength of character and humility, and the will, inner fortitude, and conviction that will help you overcome this challenge.
Since I heard the news of your illness, you have been in my thoughts and prayers at night, and in my waking moments. Because of you, I am able to live my life again without pain. I am eternally grateful for the gift of Tai ChI that you taught me. And I am thankful for the gift of YOU!!! I love you. I love your optimism, your laughter, and your patience. You may not remember but Helena is my Mother’s name. Two beautiful, kind women who gave me life.
Today I celebrate my son’s rebirth. I believe in hope. I believe in you.
Keep the faith.
Your grateful student,
Elaine
Thank you, Elaine! That’s beautiful! Yes, thanks to you all, I am one slow step at a time to recovery.
When you have a moment, I sent you a friend request on FB. Please accept me. I want to send you a picture. 🙂
Ice cream. You need ice cream.
anytime is a good time to have ice cream!!
I’m so glad your allergic reaction can be managed and you can continue with your treatment. Tagresso sounds like a wonderful drug. I can picture in my mind all the little (genes, genomes, antibodies??) spreading throughout your body, doing battle with the cancer cells and smothering them all, one at a time. Every day, fewer and fewer and every day, you stronger and stronger. Much love and many prayers going your way!
Sending you my love from the centre, where we’re all here with you in spirit. Keep the laughter, keep the embrace. It’s how I know you:) Inspiring.
I hope and prat for better days along your way!
Thank you, Camilla!
Helena, we were all so shocked and saddened to hear of your diagnosis. We were sitting around the tea table in Denver in Bob’s class. I am holding you in prayer.
Diane
Oh, Helena, what a strange, remarkable, horrific journey. Please know you are my first thought when I wake up, whether in the middle of the night or the morning. I focus on breathing and sending out my prayers for the healing and restoration of your strength. Rest well tonight, my friend.
Hello Helena
We have been chanting for you at the Centre (Orangeville). Your writing shows the great strength and heart that you have, to face this illness, and continue to love, and be loved. Thank you for sharing this with the world.