I rarely sleep through the night anymore. I am usually woken up by either cough or pain in the middle of the night. Sometimes I am able to take my cough medicine and go back to sleep, other times not.
This morning was no different. I lied awake in the dark in pain, the house was quiet. I got into my sleeping meditation position and just be with the pain. At least I could still feel the pain, many people would trade me for that (ok, maybe not that many, hahaha!).
From the time I went to the doctors thinking I got an annoying cough wouldn’t go away which lead to the initial chest x-ray, then CT scan, now stage 4 lung cancer, bone cancer and possibly a brain tumor to join the party, the whole thing went down in less than a month’s time! I am not someone use to being sick, can’t even remember the last time I had the flu, must be 10+ years!! I am in absolute awe at the power of destruction happening in my own body. When I saw the CT scan image of my lungs for the first time, I was in shock. Healthy lungs should look like black empty chambers, mine was filled with cancer cells that lit up like Christmas bulbs, filled both of my lungs with the mess in my upper left lung looked like a cluster of stars in a galaxy. If I didn’t know any better, it looked marvelous! It’s like watching a lightning storm from a distance, you can’t help but in awe of its beauty.
Yet despite all the destructive cells actively attacking my body, my lungs are still drawing every breath as I lied in the dark, in and out, in and out… isn’t it amazing that I am still breathing and for the most part functioning? How much can the human body take?
A thought occurred to me, if the power of destruction is so strong in me, then so must be the power to heal. If there is yin, there must be also yang, that’s the law of the Tao. I just have to tab into my own power to heal.
My treatments are starting next week. I will lean on all the support around me to evoke that healing power within. For as long as my lungs are willing to draw in the next breath, I am here to live. I am here to love this world.
Helena, it’s so refreshing and inspiring to see how you are able to see the beauty and awe of what is usually just tragedy to most of us. Our bodies are indeed marvelously made. In the Christian tradition we are told that our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit and that truth is certainly evident in your faith tradition and in others as well. That knowledge is priceless. And you have been sharing that with us all along through Tai Chi. Thank you again for sharing your journey and insights with us.
You are definitely loved by us all! I have been reading a book “”HOW TO HELP SOMEONE WITH CANCER: 70 WAYS” and one of the items was shaving your head in sympathy. I am willing to do that for you and anything else that would help. I will also be happy to bring you chocolates! 🙂
John
Thanks, John! No, don’t shave your head yet. We will see how the radiation and drug treatments go. Thanks for the chocolates, maybe only dark chocolates, I think I am still allowed to eat that.
👍
Helena,
Once again I am awed by your resilience, your willingness to look this illness in the face, and challenge it. You have made a significant impact in the lives of so many of us, introducing us to the world of Tai Chi and all its benefits. We all love you dearly. I stand with John, and will shave my head if it comes to that. In the meantime, I will gladly send you some dark chocolate. Yum!!
Love and prayers,
Barbara
Thank you, Barbara! You all mean so much to me.
Helena, you are a bright star for so many of us. You have the power to heal yourself with all the help that you will receive. I have seen amazing things happen for people with your spirit.
Please know that if you are interested their are ways that you can build up between
cancer treatments so that it does not take a toll on your body. Please let me know if you are interested in information.
Keep in mind that laughter is healing. Find a reason to laugh and laugh every day.
Think of me learning Tai Chi. ?? Love you
Thank you, Linda. You can always send me information, but they took me off all supplements, everything has to be screened for possible interference with this drug. If there is not a way for them to see all the ingredients, they would rather not have me take it.
Dear Helena,
Each day I lift you up to the Lord for healing, provision and peace. We all love you and miss your warm caring and funny self. God bless you💗
Dear Helena,
We love you and miss you and I’m praying each day for healing and peace for you.
Beth Dougherty
Wow, Helena you’ve grown strong both in Taichi and spirit since we met in Orangeville more than 5 years ago. Your Zen acceptance of the what’s in front of you is admirable. Be strong, pal, you’ll pull through 😌☺️
Wow, Helena you’ve grown strong both in Taichi and spirits since we met at Orangeville more than five years ago.
Your calm and zen willingness to face the unthinkable is most admirable. As you posted before, in the circle of Tao Ying and Yang will balance as long as You’re willing to work at it. Be strong! You’ll be in control
Let me know if I can be any help.
Will definitely chant for you each week at our Wong Dai Sin Temple in Toronto.
The Heart sultra in the Blue chanting book would be a good practice for you in meditation.
Helena,
Great news about the medical Marijuana.
I have helped several people get on the list but you did it in record time. it will definitely help the nausea and maybe give you an appetite.
I hope you are allowed to sip some of the hydrate. Every time you throw up you lose electrolytes.
Wishing all good things for you
Yes, I have been drinking your electrolytes! They do hydrate me a lot faster! Thank you!!