Falling In Love Again

I just got back from a 5-day tai chi retreat and I am falling in love with tai chi practice all over again in a whole new way! 😻

I arrived at tai chi retreat only 7 days after my last chemo. Although I didn’t feel sick, I didn’t have much energy either. If I were at home by myself, this would be the week I struggle to get back on my feet so I fully anticipated not being able to participate much in the program. I gave myself permission to sit out as often as needed.

Being there practicing with everyone though, the group energy carried me. Unlike doing tai chi by myself at home, in a group we were able to feed off each other’s energy. The movements came effortlessly like they had before without me trying to make anything happen. I was pleasantly surprised my tai chi felt as good as it ever did. As weak as this body was, it felt good to be moving. After all this time, after the rough year this body has gone through, it still loves the deep sense of connection tai chi practice brings.

Tai chi practice to me is a dance of life. Through its ups and downs, expansions and contractions, twists and turns, along with the occasional much needed kicks and punches, the body is relaxed and opened to life’s highest evolution physically, mentally, and spiritually.

I know life has plan for me just like tai chi set has a sequence. I may not know what that plan is, much like being a beginner in class, I don’t know the moves of the set. My job is not to know the set, my job is to stay grounded in my alignment simply experience the movements in every moment. In the process of relaxing and opening, I come to know my true self and the unwavering strength within. I could feel my strength building up throughout the week. I got a little stronger everyday. I got a little brighter everyday. When it was all said and done, I was able to participate in the whole program except the first day.

On the forth day, we worked on an exercise called “push hands”. It’s a practice we do with a partner with the intension of assisting each other in their practice. Master Moy used to say 15 minutes of push hands equals to 3 hours of tai chi practice. This morning I woke up with a funny thought… I have been doing push hands with cancer for a year! lol! No wonder I feel like I aged a decade. Hahaha! OK, all jokes aside, cancer as the ultimate push hands partner has helped me to be more grounded than ever (ok, yes, by literally grounding me, 😝). It helped me realize my true strength and alignment. My contribution to the world is not by being the superwoman that I was in taking care of everything and everyone. My contribution to the world is healing myself. The microcosm affects the macrocosm. In healing myself, I heal the world around me. “The world has enough superheroes, thank you for not being a superhero.” as one of the workshop participants told me. No, I don’t want to be a superwoman anymore. All I want is to be human as humanly possible. Our form of tai chi training is about being real. This is how I feel, this is where I am, this is what I can do at this moment. From this deeply grounded place, we can give back to the world freely in full alignment of who we are, where we are, no more, and no less.

Big thank you and big hugs to the whole group!! You made such a difference in my life just by being there! 💞